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[06 Jul 2007|11:30pm] [ mood | crushed ] god your such a liar... you say your there for me, that you want me to call you anytime...that you love me... your a fucking lying russian.. I call you, and your tired and talk to me for 2 minuets. I try to talk to you and you get cranky and mad at me...  everything is about you isen't it?  Fine...i'm done. you can make then plans now and set everything up, you would have forgotten to call me tonight and you know it. i'll never mention wasaga again and i bet you'll forget about it. You probubly wished I would...that was the plan I bet. get me all excited but never really go...hopeing i'd forget....like i pretend to forget about everything else.  God your either asleep right now or playing your stupid video games. I wanted to go because i wanted to be with you without having to worry about someone walking in on us.  Unless that's just your excuse?  I give you what you want. no matter how tired, how sore, how i feel and what do i get in return?  the moment were done you tell me to get up and go in the other room to watch TV. no, even when your grand ma and mother are gone for a good amoount of time you don't want to lie with me anymore.....god i sware if you cancel on me tomorrow i don;t know what i'm going to do. I know what i want to do though. but no. i'm not allowed... I thought you said though if i ever felt like i needed to hurt myself i could call you, that you would be there.... well right now i feel pretty fucking by myself.  I hate it. that when we make plans we have to change them at the drop of a hat because of you. No matter what were doing you could call me up and say "sorry, not anymore i have other things to do." is it to much to ask that if were going to do something, it may achtually happen for maybe three times in a row?  Your not calling me tonight i know that. Even right now as i try your cell phone because i know that if i cut myself that you'll be mad... but what the fucj am i supposed to do???? oh! thats right DEAL.  well, maybe the fact that i try more then anyone and you couldn't give a shit makes it hard to deal  I have to deal with more mood swings then I've ever experenced.  give a thought

[23 Jun 2007|09:37am] [ mood | content ] The past two days have been much better. I got my 2,000$ yesterday, Iliya and I are going shopping on Thursday. I'm very excited. It's not just going shopping thats got me excited though, I'm happy to spend time with him.  On Wednesday we went to the Manderian, and I tried to get high. I really sucked at it though, I don't think I held any of it in at all. We went to see Evan all mighty, which was awful. Iliya and I are getting on much better. I don't feel like he going to break up with me anymore.  I'm still very excited for Wasaga.  -kelly give a thought

[18 Jun 2007|10:15pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | the sound of the fan moving ] Wow, first post in a bagillian years...   Well, this week has started off more then rough.. I had head lice (fucking day care kids...). I feel like I've been exiled from the whole house...I hope everyone gets over it soon. Even though I had the treatment shampoo thing done, my head still itches, or really my neck still itches. But is that like, still lice? Or is it because I shampooed my head like...fifty times?  Anyways, I got my first taste of summer bordem today, I don't know what I'm going to do in the summer when I have no one to hang out with, no job, no school, no nothing...I'm not used to that kind of...freedom? I want to say emptiness...  Iliya was being sort of funny today. He wants to talk to me “in person” about the whole Savy thing... that never means anything good. It means that he wants to put off the conversation for as long as he can, or he is mad about me being the way I am...I can't help t though. He basically said that “you know what Kelly, your great for the not fun stuff. BUT when I want to have fun or just goof around I'll call Savy. K, Thanks” I feel like when he's with the two of us he basically ignores one of us over the other. And it's like he's obsessed with including her in everything. I am just SOOOO glad that storm happened so that they couldn't get the stuff together, or he would be talking about what happened for days...Am I so boring to him that he needs to fill the time with stories about how much fun he has with other people? Now, I know I'm not boring, but maybe I am to him...I like to stay home and read over going to a loud party and playing poker...Maybe I am boring? He was mad about me staying home today, I can tell it's going to get brought up tomorrow. He kept asking why I stayed home, and if I was coming tomorrow...I had head lice...why would I WANT to be around people?? He skips with Savy when ever she snaps her fingers and says she feels like it, but I can't not g to the second last day of school even though I have head lice....righhhhht..... Speaking of the Savy thing, why can't we not do it with Savy? Matt could give us the stuff just as easy...If it's all about smoking up with me Iliya then why does it matter if Savys there or not? And like, we have to go to a movie all togeather now which is going to be one of the worst nights of my life.  Basically it's going to be Iliya in the middle and then there going to chatter through the whole movie and then I'll dive them home. The end....great Friday night he said that WE would do something together... Tonight (if he even calls) he'll talk for five minuets and then be like “okay, see you tomorrow.” Which will include an EXCITING day of Savy/Iliya ness....JOY!! ((Can you FEEL the sarcasm??)) I can't wait until she leaves and this will end till next time they have class together....god help me if they have lunch together and I'm at a different time....-_- he'd be high every other week. This shall be interesting though, to see if he calls or not. He's ignoring my calls, I know that for sure. Sometimes I just want to walk away when hes having his 'treat Kelly like shes last on the list for the last things I care about.' moments...He really rewens my day sometimes. Should I try and call him? If I do and he doesn't pick it will mean that I'm just annoying him more (because he thinks he's right about me “skipping” today) and if he answers but he's still working then I get no goodnight talk...*sigh* -Kelly give a thought

[13 Jun 2006|07:22pm] [ mood | amused ] 3 remembered| give a thought

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